Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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