is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
