girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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