I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
