He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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