Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
