you guys were way drunker than both of me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
