You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i think i just lost a toe
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
there is glitter all over my balls
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