I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
there is glitter all over my balls
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
