she smelled like a LAN party
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
