I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
