my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
