I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
