Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
