We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
