Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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