I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
