After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize