Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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