I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
