I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
