I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i think i just lost a toe
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
