maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
