I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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