So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
