no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
