he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
