You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
