I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
