we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
