btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
