He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
