I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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