I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
you never un-have a 4some
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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