I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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