its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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