Duck Duck Cougar?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
