It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I stole a fireplace last night.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
