i would punch a child for taco bell
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize