if i died would you start the facebook group?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
