The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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