So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
