I think I won the penis lottery.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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