Cold hands, warm shart.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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