I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
