I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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