You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
your like the ambassador to my penis.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My ass is underappreciated
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
