I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
