Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
