Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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