At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
