I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
