do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i would one night stand the shit outta him
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
