First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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