guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
