no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
