why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
