Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
