she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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