she was so not down for the gang bang
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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