i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
