So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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