Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
