it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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