i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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