god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
