I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
